She Called You a WHAT?

Confession: I think a lot of parents suck.

Not me of course. I am a perfect parent. Ask anyone. Well, except my mom, my husband, my kids, my friends, etc.

A while back I found out that my daughter, #1, called a little girl in our neighborhood a not so nice name. There is still some discrepancy as to what the actual name was. In any case, I made my daughter walk to the little girls house, knock on the door, and apologize. Her mother seemed grateful, albeit a little surprised. You see in this era of parental non-responsibility for your kids actions, I'd imagine she doesn't get to many personal visit apologies. I would imagine that most of the name calling, bullying, and middle finger flipping goes totally unseen or unheard of by parents. This is not necessarily a bad thing. While I don't think we need to be aware of every little disagreement our kids have, every scuffle over who took who's Barbie be mediated, I do think that it is our responsibility to hold our kids accountable for their actions when we are aware. And that is why we went over to apologize.

Did my daughter like the fact that she had to man up and say sorry? No. Did I care if she didn't like it? Hell no. Why? Because we are so concerned with our kids "liking" us, thinking that we are the nicest parents, the coolest parents, the parents that give them the most stuff, that we forget to be "good" parents. Our job is to produce good and responsible little humans. Who decides what is "good" and what is "responsible"? Who knows. In part, we do. In part the norms, ethics, and values of our communities and society guide us too. Our cultures, and our religious beliefs help out too. In any case, I am pretty sure that nowhere is it deemed that the best parent is the one whose kid has the most Wii games; or the one who gets the nicest car for their sixteenth birthday. I am guilty of it too. No one is perfect. Though I must pat myself on the back just a little and say that I am nowhere near in the same league of culpability as some of the parents that I see. I am forever hearing people ask the question, "what is wrong with the kids of today?" In part, this is your answer people. No parental responsibility. No one around to make kids stand up and take the consequences of their actions. I am in no way a member of the "everything that goes wrong until the day you die is the fault of your parents" club. But a little personal accountability in our own lives and our kids lives might not be such a bad thing.

I have no idea if walking her over to apologize to the girl had the impact that I desired. Ultimately my goal was to make her not want to call kids names. I wanted her to see that it was wrong and hurtful. Eventually I think she will get that message. She apologized. She did what I wanted her to. Is it possible that her motives right now are not so altruistic? Probably. Did she do it to be a better person or to avoid punishment? Most likely it was the latter. But maybe the next time she opens her mouth to call someone names she will think to herself, "I am probably not being a very nice person right now." Or maybe she will simply think, "if I call Lizzy a flaming turd, I'm gonna have to walk like 8 blocks to apologize." Sure, it's not the reaction I am going for, but it's a start. At the very least she will learn to only start trouble with kids who live very close by.